Lately,  I couldn’t figure something out over and over again, so I asked a lot of spiritual elders. Some of them comforted me, others warned me, but I could not find peace in their answers. Only a few people answered me, “I don’t think I know.” Their honesty kept me thinking.

Yeah, the answer to your life, how would anyone else know? People with different personalities and different life experiences will naturally give different answers. I was like a headless fly asking questions everywhere, only to hear a variety of voices, the heart is getting more and more confused.

The lesson I learn is that I should let go of the ” ask for understanding” mentality and admit that I am so limited and I will never know what god’s complete mind is… And, I can free myself from the emotional entanglements of the moment.

“What is god’s will in this matter?”

Be prepared— This is a question we’ll spend our lives asking, or perhaps we’ll never get an answer. If my faith is based on “an answer,” it’s a dangerous situation

As time goes on, I experience my limit more and more deeply. I do not understand why things happened in the past, do not understand what the current experience of things is pointing to, do not understand what will happen in the future change.

I get new questions every day, and I get a lot of questions from people. Whenever I see these troubles, my heard is so blocked. Lord, what is this all about?

Why is it that some people are particularly frustrated without any reason? Why is it that some people are simply not affected by many disasters? Why is it that some people are confused but happy? Why is there a sense of security in their hearts that some people do not need to work hard?

I don’t understand the circumstances of life, and I can’t understand the real life of others. And there are also many theological, truth questions that I don’t understand.

Why the pursuit of the Holy Spirit is criticized by some, while others so in favor of?  Why is it that some people hear “God is love” and immediately alert to the theology of grace, while others are set free? Should I believe in his love or in his righteousness? Is declaring victory self-hypnosis or a form of faith? Can a fallen shepherd still be in public and present his works? What do you think of them?

I have a tons of questions in my mind. If I really want to go down, I will find that everything is not perfect. If i really want to pursue complete understanding, I will only find that I am a big fool.

I finally found that a lot of the pain of thinking, not because I realized my limit, but I thought I should know. I must confess that I know about nothing about this almighty God and the universe he created. If I want to experience his power, I have to be willing to accept my limit.

He who knows he is limited does not judge others for their limits. I think it should work this way.

God does not despise or reject us for our misplaced zeal, our false humility, our prideful wisdom, and our swaggering attitude. Instead, he comes to us and listens to us mutter about the silly thoughts we cannot put down.

Today, when we look down upon the “wisdom” of others, I should also consider that I have my own limitations. Parents’ broken thoughts, friends’ loss and weakness… It’s not a reason to push them away, it’s an opportunity for my heart to expand and learn how to love them better.

The bible says: My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me . (psalm 131:1 )

I have to let go of my obsession with “understanding”. I need to put the “pursuit of answers” base on trust in god. What I need to do is not to look into how big the storm is outside, but to look at how great my God is.

I want to know because I don’t want to fall down. But it’s not what I can see or what I can do that keeps me going. It’s God being with me and holding me up.

Now, I don’t ask for “knowing”, I just ask a heart that trusts the Lord and makes me calm and secure. In this way, I can praise him in any circumstance.

But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. (psalm 131:2)